i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dick very happy bro
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
