what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
