i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
