then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
