I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
