I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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