I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
