I'm going to jail i love you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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