My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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