After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
