As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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