Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
