I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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