so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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