I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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