and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
