I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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