i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
