Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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