you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
