I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
