i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
