it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
