The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
