Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
