Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
