Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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