think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Of course I have a pirate flag
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
