nut hugger
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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