god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last time i carry you out of a forest
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
