i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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