quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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