Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
