I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
