R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
