The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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