4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
