The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
