I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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