My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
