Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
