Sry I called you an 8
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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