i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
