Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
