Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
