I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
