Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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