we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
