I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
