Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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