I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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