I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
