Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
