so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize