my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
