Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
