I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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