Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its not stalking. its research.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
