Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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