it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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