i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
