i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize