Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
