whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
