90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
