Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
