ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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