forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
