mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
