Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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