I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
