Non-Jews are for practice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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