I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
