May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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