Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
