But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
