sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
