I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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