He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
