I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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