I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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